The Eyes Have It

what do i do with my eyes? is my facial expression okay? i never learned this. or maybe i did and forgot because of What Happened. i don’t know. i don’t fucking know, okay? back off! sorry, sorry, not your fault. my fault. my horrible, deep, unhealed fault. hhh. okay. eyes. hi. im going to look you in the eye now OH GOD OH NO you know it you can see it you can see all of it it’s all so horrible and broken. it’s a lie it’s all a lie and i can’t lie and make eye contact but i don’t know how to not live this lie so ill just look away. but now you just see that im being evasive. you don’t trust me. it’s okay, i get it. it’s not like that, but i get why it feels like it. im just scared of you. im scared of everyone. i know i shouldn’t be. im working on it, i promise. i should’ve finished the work by now, but there was this whole thing with Giraffes, and some things i can’t let myself remember. just, be patient with me? im scared but the worst ill do is say something mean and i promise to feel bad about it forever, okay?

“sir, this is a wendys”