What if?

what if I didn’t get in an accident before I was even born?

what if I didn’t drown in a pool when I was two? what if I didn’t get back in the water the next day?

what if I didn’t have this damned eye? what if I didn’t get treated for it? what if that meant I went blind? what if that meant I was fine? what if I knew the truth about it? what if I threw the glasses away? what if I broke them? what if I removed the eye? what if? what if? what if?

what if my struggles had been seen? what if I had been labeled? what if I had been mislabeled?

what if I had talked about it? what if I had told someone?

what if God hadn’t died? what if the towers hadn’t fallen? what if the millennial odometer hadn’t ticked over?

what if I had talked about it? what if I had told the one who called me by my name?

what if I’d kept the glasses off? what if I couldn’t get a degree? what if I wasn’t forgiven?

what if I had talked about it? what if I’d gone to therapy, or a church, instead of online? what if I had talked about it in any of those places?

what if I hadn’t transitioned? what if I’d fallen into different drugs? what if I wasn’t forgiven?

what if there is no room upon the hill?